It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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