the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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