worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
