you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
