yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
