Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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