Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
