Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
vagina is talking i cant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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