So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
