I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
