my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
