i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
