Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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