I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
