Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
