I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
