my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
