Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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