speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
