maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love you.
Bad choice
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
