Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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