She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
