3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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