just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
