You smell like stripper and shame
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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