I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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