just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
