no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
