you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
