so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
