making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
