We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
