at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
