You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
