just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
