A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
