I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
