Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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