all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
