haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
