Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
