And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
