dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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