you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
