He had one of those small greek statue penises
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
