hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
