Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
