She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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