it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
