Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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