Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
