I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
