You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
