Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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