I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
