did you get engaged???
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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