fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
